Friday, July 20, 2007

I'm Trapped Inside A Glass Pickle Of Emotions

I want to make fun of my friends. Not in that cute, playful way that we do when we are around each other. No. I want to talk about them like I do about mentally challenged baggage clerks (which Kroger seems to have some sort of guilt about, which is the only reason I can think of for them letting those drooling, shouting, crippled monkeys touch my food).

As much as I want this for myself, I can't. They all* read my blog. Even if I didn't give away their names they would all know who I was talking about. Then I would get some angry phone call: "Fuck you Tim. I hope you get locked in a room with 50 mongoloids. Then I hope they beat you. Using their Herculean like retard strength to rip your flabby limbs from your torso. Then they will probably start gnawing on them. I mean shit, they are retarded. What do you expect?"

*Yeah that's right. All three of them.

My friends would make good fodder for this lame ass, unfunny blog of mine. I mean they are super freaking dumb. Like a fucking bag of dumb hammers (Don't worry, I'm not talking about you).

Oh how I hate them for their crimes against lucid thought. Stupid crackers.

Retards!

This post reminds me of christians. What with all the talk of "slow" individuals who should be put down (killed) at birth.

It has been brought to my attention recently that I may have a problem with Jesus people. True story. I do. They do not make this world a better place. They are a blight on the universe. I'm not saying any other religion is better. I'm just commenting on the goons I'm surrounded by.

2 comments:

Lloyd the Riddle said...

A REAL blogger chooses his blog over his friends. A REAL blogger doesn't sacrifice his morally deprived rants at the alter of amicability. A REAL blogger doesn't hold his tongue with the forceps of commendable diction. A REAL blogger can't always sow his lips with the thread of enchanting vernacular. A REAL blogger doesn't have the option of becoming a communicative discriminatory. A REAL blogger cannot abide the cessation of his flutterous tapping fingers because of a momentary propensity for an odious textual blitzkrieg.

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