What Does The World Look Like From Inside A Uterus?

This site is pretty interesting. Is it funny? Is it profound? Is it real?

Maybe.

The Unborn Blogger

When I Get Home I'm Going To Use The Internet (because I can)

My Internet was fixed last night. I can't wait to get home to play with it.

Does it really matter what I'm going to do? No.

I may just look up Bible quotations all night. Or perhaps I'll go to Amazon and listen to 30 second clips of song I already own. Maybe I'll use GoogleEarth to finally find out where this so called "Iraq" is. Maybe I'll use Wikipedia to read all about the rich cultural history of Minnesota (Does it really have 10,000 lakes? Ask me tomorrow.)

Maybe I'll sign on and then off again of Yahoo messenger just so I can see that, yes, my Internet truly does still work.

Any of these things would be a complete waste of my valuable, precious, gorgeous time. This doesn't matter. I'm gonna do them.

Because I can.

So eff off.

July 18th.....1863!

In all seriousness. Today is the 144th anniversary of the 54th Massachusetts' spearhead assault on Fort Wagner, Charleston, South Carolina.

For those of you who have never seen Glory, the 54th was the first formal African American military unit.

Led by Robert Gould Shaw, they led the assault to take Fort Wagner (which the Union never did). Out of 600 men, 172 were either killed, wounded or captured.

Sergeant William Harvey Carney was awarded the Medal of Honor, for grabbing the US flag as the flag bearer fell, carrying the flag to the enemy ramparts and back, and saying "Boys, the old flag never touched the ground!" While other African-Americans had since been granted the award, Carney's is the earliest action for which the Medal of Honor was awarded to an African-American.

Since the first time I saw Glory it has been one of my favorite movies. Their story is an incredibly important one to tell. If you haven't seen it I hope you will take the time to do it soon.


Note:
***I ganked my info and even whole sentences from Wikipedia***

House (Apartment) Party 2: The Pajama Jam!

There was a party in honor of me slipping out of my mother's womb. I'm not going to bore you with the minor details here. Let's just skip to the juicy parts.

1. There was a party.


2. My closest companions where there.


3. Alcohol may or may not have been imbibed.


4. There were a few people I didn't expect to see which made me giddy.


5. Cake was served.


6. Cake was eaten.


7. Cake was smeared on most items in my apartment.


8. The laundry room door was shattered into several pieces by a marauding band of gypsies. (Yes, that happened)


9. Hot chicks got (almost) naked in my room. Then they got wet.

As you can see, my 27th wasn't so bad. I didn't even vomit. I didn't get a birthday blow job, but I did get a birthday kiss. Then of course I completed the transaction in my trousers.

In closing, it was the best (and hottest) night of my life.

I don't get out much.

Keith Olbermann Lays Down Some Smack On Dubya

If you have about 10 minutes, watch this! If you would freely vote for Bush knowing what we know now, don't.

A New Look! & How I Was Molested By An African With His Meat Stick!

I'm feeling frisky today.

NPR is blaring in my ears. My back is pain free (almost) and I was molested by this African guy at my work. Let me explain.

I was in the break room innocently washing my apple when some anonymous lady yells out at the top of her lungs, in a wholly dejected tone, "HOLY SHIT NUGGETS I JUST BOUGHT SOME MEAT STICK!!!" African dude was there warming his coffee in the microwave (Apparently his coffee is not ready unless the molecules have been rearranged a bit). He quickly exclaims how he will take this unwanted meat stick off her hands as he knows of a certain fellow who would not mind some free processed dead animal. He then proceeds to try and put the meat stick into my pocket.

Holy Jesus I was petrified. I mean yeah, I wanted the meat stick. Anyone who knows me knows I love all products that you can purchase at a middle of nowhere gas station. Anyone who knows me also knows that I certainly don't mind the soft touches of a balding, thick bespectacled African man.

The problem that I truly had was this bastard didn't even have the common courtesy to ask me if I wanted his giant, manly, black hands near my crotchel region.

What is this world coming to when one person can't muster the courage to say the following words: "Hey man, I'm gonna put this meat into your pocket. I understand how pants work. I know by putting my hand into your pocket this meat and I will be closer to your junkeg than anyone has been for a bit. Do you mind?"

In closing, I didn't take the meat. Dammit. Why didn't I take the meat.

Also, I hope you like the new, brighter look of my blog.

Also, as soon as I can figure out how, I will be posting a poll on my blog. Weeee!

YOWZA!!!

I can't believe I have gone almost a month without having some sort of nonsensical rant about some sort of nonsensical thing.

The last time I blogged it was exactly one month till I turned 27. Now it's 9 days. Also, other than whining about how old the earth spinning around the sun has made me, you didn't learn one damn thing. I promise, this time you will.

1. Transformers is one of the greatest movies ever made. Sure it was a bit cheesy. Sure it had some gay ass love story. I'm glad there were some faults with it. If it didn't have any I'm pretty sure my head would have exploded into a shitstorm of flesh and hair and bone. And confetti. (I think we all know confetti comes out when your head explodes don't we)
2. Today there are a couple of celebrity birthdays. One is our fearless leader in Washington, George Walker Bush. The other, the Dali Lama. I'm not sure of the spelling on that and frankly I don't give a shit. Get over it.
3. Time Warner Cable are a bunch of dickheads. I hope they get mugged. Then raped. Then shat on.

I guess that's all for now. I'm not feeling particularly funny right now. In fact, I think I may go kick over a hobo's shopping cart. Fucking hobos.